I Had NO IDEA Laptops Are So Much Trouble!

Having moved firmly into 20th Century Technology with the installation of HiSpeedWiFi and lots and lots of wires snaking about under the bed, down the hall, behind every dresser, so that I might have Wireless Internet (what kind of sense does that make? Cable Guy installed twice as much wiring as I had before, and it's called "wireless"?) I decided it might be time to crack open that beautiful plum-purple Dell Studio 17 inch laptop that has been sitting in its cocoon of styrofoam, waiting for Son One to transfer things from the Dinosaur Desktop onto its yummy purply self. Begging worked.

Proving again, the old adage. Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Fantasies of editing jewelry photos from the bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows, and watching reruns of "What Not to Wear" gave way to the reality of

TRYING to edit photos, surrounded by Kitties who were certain that those things on the (very delicate and expensive) screen were for them to poke. And that lovely, warm flat metal thing was some sort of Heated Urban Feline Futon.

And that lurking under the bed, hissing and growling at other lurkers would command human interaction. Even if it was the yelling-and-spray-bottle kind.

Foster is curled up, despondent, in front of the Dinosaur Desktop; on the one-time "computer chair." Site of much kitten snuggling. Wondering, I'm sure, just what went wrong.

I feel his pain. And I have NO intention of upgrading my 12-year-old cell phone at this point. Change is not always something I can believe in.

Tax Holiday. Not Exactly a Walk in the Park.

Something - indeed, several things - have compelled me to purchase a laptop computer:

A) I have this overwhelming urge to join (after 8 years) the 21st century;

B) The husband wants my desktop for his office;

C) I live a carefree (ha) and nomadic (true, that) life;

D) I love PURPLE! There is a purple laptop out there!; and

E) This weekend is the GA "Tax Holiday."

How could I resist? So I spend half the afternoon researching options and talking to Geek Son via phone. I wait on "Live Chat" with Dell for 45 minutes to find out that tax holiday applies on line. I get an on-line price; with a 7 to 10 day shipping delay.

Hubby really NEEDS the desktop, to read Yahoo Sports and order Todd Snider CDs via Amazon. 7 to 10 days is a long time. And I REALLY want the purple laptop... so I head to the local Big Box Store, where they are handing out numbers to LOOK at the laptops, because it is a Tax Holiday.

I get to the front of the line, where the "Specialist" tells me they do not carry what I want. They can't order it, because it isn't even on their website.

I look at some other things with the "Specialist", who tells me (sotto voce) that the computer I am looking at on line is superior to what she has.

I check out two other stores who do not carry on-line model, either. And they are not even giving out numbers, so they look like a Chinese subway at rush hour. That reminds me to

Order Chinese food.

I eat tofu while Geek son comes by to see what I am planning to order.

I get approval from Geek son, except for the Windows Vista operating system, which is more despicable than beets. You might have your own parameter, but for me, it doesn't get worse than beets.

Click to buy. Go through verrrrrrry slow checkout.

Get confirmation of order from Dell.

Get call from Bank, who assumes that purchase is fraudulent because I used an old (but still valid) credit card number - even though the old card is not expired, and the old card was used successfully just hours ago to buy linen pants (on sale). I am informed that I must call Dell with new number.

I get email from Dell because card was rejected.

I call Dell Customer Service to give them the new number. I talk to a nice Indian woman (Rani) who says "the system is down, call back in two hours."

I e-mail Dell. Get response that says to call Credit Card Services.

I call Credit Card Services, which is closed until 10 AM Monday.

I get email from Dell asking whether to re-run old card.

I call the Bank to get authorization to re-run, using the old number.

I am told that old number was eliminated when new cards were activated. Even though old cards are not yet expired.

I ask to speak to supervisor.

I get transferred to "Authorization."

I get accidentally transferred to "Customer Service."

I explain my story to a person who says that the old number is not eliminated, and is still OK for 90 days.

I get fraud alert lifted.

I e-mail Dell to tell them to re-run old number.

I pray.

I fix drink. Stiff drink.

Holidays are not for the feint of heart.