Monday, February 16, 2009

NEVER Mix Mosaics and The Cable Guy

OK, so.

I am finally moving into the world of Hi Speed and Wi Fi and other things that are only two letters long. I am ditching the Dial-Up. There is a little problem caused by The Un-Named Monopoly Phone Company, which installed incompatible (oops!) Fiber-Optics, which is not a breakfast cereal to promote good vision. Making it impossible to continue to use my Internet Carrier that I have had for a bazillion years. Since MainFrames. Unless I want to keep Dialing Up, which I do not. Because the converse of Dialing Up is being Dropped. Which I am sick of.

So I have succumbed to the Cable Come-Ons. I bought a Bundle. TV, Hi Speed Internet, phone. Everything on one bill. Great price! (for 6 months, then actual charges revert, retroactively. Substantial surcharge for indoor plumbing, people who take non-generic prescription drugs, and homes of more than 1200 square feet. Prices subject to change. Not available to households in flood zones, or those with more than 6 cats.)

And today was the Day My Phone Number Could be Ported.

Which means, I think, that I will get a big bill from the Phone Company for Exportation of my phone number. And a big bill from the cable company for Importation of my phone number. But I'm no expert on Immigration Law.

So, anyway, I was given a "Window" of time in which to expect the Cable Guy to show. Generally, if you have a 3 hour "window", the technician will show up at exactly 2 hours and 59 minutes into your window. Unless you go to the post office. Which is when he will show up.

My Guy showed up 23 minutes before the "Window" expired. I was feeling lucky. And I was well-prepared. I had a lot of projects that I could finish at the kitchen table, while Cable Guy did his thing, and asked me VERY important questions. Like, "Where is the cable box we issued to you in 1993? It is showing up on your account."

Uh, we haven't used a cable box since 1994. All the important stuff comes straight through the wall, into that cord. And then into the TV.

"Yes ma'am. But I have to pick up your old analog box. Where is it?"

Perhaps I used it as a doorstop in the playroom? Gave it to the Salvation Army? Sold it in a yard sale? I have no idea.

Cable Guy calls in, "She doesn't have the box." Then he rattles off a VIN for a NEW box, which now sits on top of the TV. So much for all that technoprattle about "boxless" cable.

As usual, I digress.

I had Projects. Very Important Projects, to keep me busy; yet available to Cable Guy. One of them was Millefiori Collage. That is, quite simply, the use of veryveryvery tiny pieces of exquisite millefiori glass, arranged into pleasing patterns, creating unique pieces of art that one can wear. You can see them in my Etsy shop, and on 1000 Markets.

"Millefiori" means manymanymany flowers. Hundreds, thousands, millions. Lots and lots. And the mosaic artists create the TINIEST flowers, to use in the TINIEST spaces.

I had my Millefiori, 3 or 4 pounds of them, at my disposal. Ready to create, while the Cable Guy created a streamlined Web Presence for me.

The only problem is that I also have

Foster. The Geek Cat.

I made things, the Cable Guy made connections (with absolutely no need for the old analog box, I might add.) And then the Cable Guy left. And I carried some supplies back down to the studio, where I heard a noise; unlike any noise I had ever heard. But if I HAD ever heard three or four pounds of mosaic pieces, the size of 1/3 a grain of rice each, raining down on the hardwood floors and then rolling as far across the living room, bedroom, kitchen and dining room as they could before encountering a permanent obstacle like a wall; well, I would have bet it sounded something like that.

According to Foster, it was a test of something like force times velocity. But I was not interested in explanations, no matter how noble the cause.


twenty pound tabby said...

Ahhh, cats. Yet we still love them.

Nancy said...

Sort of.

High Desert Diva said...

Manymanymany pieces to pick up. Damn.

Welcome to high speed Nancy!