Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Who Are You Calling "Chicken?"

I have spent a remarkable amount of time on the Internet, recently; Googling chickens.

Not blogs about chicken stock reduction, or recipes for chicken tetrazzini. Chickens. That cackle and lay eggs.

This behavior, of course, is due to Green Acres. Lisa in satin housedress and boa, would float out to the coop and sweet talk Hungarian-English to Henrietta the Hen; who would reward our Hungarian Heroine with an egg. To make "panscake batter."

Generations of young girls, thanks to cable TV and Amazon DVDs, have been imprinted with not only Lisa's satin-and-boa fashion sense, as one would expect; but also a deep-seated need for Pet Poultry.

Psychotherapists describe this subconscious longing for chickens as a "latent tendency." Which makes perfect sense if you go to this website:

Backyard Chickens

Here is the Welcome Message for the site. Read it carefully:

Welcome to BackyardChickens.com!

Established in 1999, BackyardChickens has become the #1 destination for the information you need to raise, keep, and appreciate chickens. Originally designed for the urban chicken owner, we're here to help and support chickens in any backyard!

Let's peck this apart, shall we?

"Established in 1999" CLEARLY indicates the latency of Chicken Envy. Green Acres originally aired in the mid 1960s. Unlike the affection for satin and boas, which peaks in prepubescent girls around age 7; there is a lag of at least 30 years between exposure to friendly chickens named Henrietta and the urge to harbor them in the back yard.

And then there is THIS quote:

"Originally designed for the urban chicken owner". WHAT could be more "urban" than a penthouse on Park Avenue? Right above "The Stores!" And steps away from "Times Square!"?

I have merely scratched the surface of the Lisa Douglas Effect. Naturally, I have made a grant application for further study.

I am also anxious to explore the impact of a seemingly-major extenuating factor, The Eglu:

A cute coop.

Lisa was cute. Her chickens were cute. The coop? Not so much. After all, Ol-ee-ver probably got the makin's for it from Mr. Haney, who stole them from his own mother.

Cute coops, available in 5 different colors, would seem to affect the Lisa Douglas Effect, diminishing the Latency Lag. This is definitely going to require a double-blind study protocol.

And a lot of grant money. This is not chicken feed.


High Desert Diva said...

I never did watch Green Acres...I see I missed out.

Those coops are the strangest looking things I've seen...

Nancy said...

Diva, there's still time. You owe it to yourself to watch GA. If for no other reason than to see Arnold the Pig turn on the TV.

Boutique By Bonnie said...

Who knew? That's all I can say.