Tornado!

I am one of those people who is best avoided. I have one of those Black Clouds of Doom overhead at all times; and way, way, way too much stuff happens to me. (I think, to provide blog material. But possibly because I'm a Drama Queen. Or maybe the punchline of some Cosmic Joke.)

For example, just a few months ago, there was the Little Incident with the Exploding Washing Machine. Hilarity, and a Major Flood ensued. Then, The Fire. Of course, I was preparing for Famine, the natural progression after Flood and Fire.

But someone screwed up the Cosmos; and tonight it was the Tornado Siren.

I have now been in four, count 'em, four, tornadoes. I can tell you every inconsistency in the movie, Twister; because I don't have to chase the stupid things. They come to me. I am a Natural Tornado Expert. I am a Tornado Whisperer.

So I was teaching my dance class this evening, at the Comedy Theatre. I turned off the music for the final stretch - because we like to relax and think positive thoughts...I mean talk about the people who didn't show up for class - during the last five minutes. And it got quiet, and we heard Tornado Sirens.

We were in a one-story building, with no basement and a tin roof, and a tornado in the immediate vicinity.

The only other populated shelter in the area was the "adult toy" venue, across the street. They might have a basement, but it could be scarier than a tornado.

What to do?

The obvious answer, of course, was to Make Stupid Jokes.

I won the Stupid Joke Contest, hands down. Because I realized that, in the lobby, was the most beautiful pair of Size 11 Bright Red Sequined Platform Shoes! "Rocky Horror" Rejects? Who knows? Just click your heels together three times, and say, "There's no place like home."

The sirens stopped.

We were safe.